Loki and the No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day
by ElvenPrincessOfNarnia -Kate
Summary: Loki wakes up on the wrong side of the bed (literally) and is forced to go shopping on Black Friday with his wife, Darcy. Pairings: Clint/Natasha, Tony/Pepper, Loki/Darcy. May make this into a series starring the other Avengers.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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><p>Loki woke up to a <em>very<em> annoyingly beeping alarm clock. He opened one eye slightly and smashed his hand down on the bed stand, where the alarm clock usually sat. Unfortunately, it wasn't there.

Loki massaged a sore hand and opened his eyes. There it was, the alarm clock that _dared_ mock him, on the... celling?

"Barton!" Loki shrieked, throwing a nearby book at the air vent. The book broke the vent and hit something soft.

"Ow." a muffled voice called from the vent.

Loki rolled his eyes. Now, to stop the beeping...

Sighing, Loki jumped out of bed, only to be greeted with a bucket of cold water on his head. A sudden thought struck him. He cautiously climbed over to the other side of his bed and jumped out the same way. Nothing happened.

"This gives another meaning to the saying_, 'Waking up on the wrong side of the bed.' " _he mused to himself. Suddenly, the beeping alarm clock reminded him of his original mission.

Three stacks of chairs later, Loki was still nowhere near reaching the alarm clock.

"Barton, how did you get it up there?" Loki raged, throwing another book at the vent.

"Ouch! Stop that!" Clint screamed, poking his head out.

"Whatever, you lowly mortal." Loki stalked angrily out of his bedroom.

On his way out, he remembered that he was soaking wet. Growling, he retraced his steps back into the bedroom. This time, however, Clint was sitting on the bed, tinkering with something.

Clint heard footsteps in the room. Guiltily, he hid the stink bomb behind his back.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Room." Loki demanded. Clint needed no second urging; he ran out of the room like the Chitauri were after him.

Loki sighed. He could tell this would be a bad day. And he _knew_ it was about to get worse...

Darcy stirred a bowl of pancake mix in the kitchen of Stark Tower as she listened to her iPod. She smiled happily, remembering that today was Black Friday, and Loki had promised to go shopping with her.

Darcy poured the pancake mix on the hot griddle, making almost perfectly round pancakes. Suddenly, she felt two arms snake around her waist.

"Hello to you too." she giggled, kissing Loki on the cheek. "Pancakes good for you?"

Loki ran a hand through his damp hair. "Whatever you cook, I will eat."

"Good. Because I burned the pancakes just now." Darcy grimaced.

Loki scowled inside. He _hated_ burnt pancakes.

"Oh well." Darcy sighed, putting the burnt cakes on a plate. "Thor will eat them anyway."

Just then, Thor walked into the room, stuffing Pop-tarts into his mouth.

"Here you go, Thor." Darcy chirped. "A plate of hot pancakes."

Thor immediately abandoned the Pop-tarts and began wolfing down the pancakes. Darcy smiled at Loki.

"Lady Jane wants me to go shopping with her today." Thor announced happily. "What is 'Black Friday', Lady Darcy?"

"Um, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving and is a day when all the stores have big sales." Darcy explained.

Thor furrowed his brows in confusion. "I do not understand why it is called 'black.' "

"Neither do I." Darcy commented, playing with her wedding ring. "C'mon, Loki, let's go shopping!"

A very unwilling Loki allowed himself to be dragged to the mall by his strong-willed wife.

Thirty minutes later, Loki was dying of boredom. Darcy had found some friends to shop with her, namely Pepper, Jane, and Maria. Natasha had refused point-blank to go shopping. Jane had dragged Thor along as well, but he was actually enjoying the experience.

Loki rolled his eyes. _How much longer was Darcy expecting him to be here?_ he wondered to himself.

"Ooh. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today." Darcy teased, plopping down on a nearby bench.

"You have no idea." Loki grumbled.

"C'mon, Loki. Loosen up a little. This could be fun for you!"

"Why are we here?" Loki complained. He hated crowds, and the Black Friday shoppers of New York City were no exception. Actually, this was one of the worst crowds Loki had ever seen in his life.

"Christmas shopping!" Darcy bounced excitedly on the bench.

"Is that so important to you to risk getting trampled?" Loki asked, gesturing to a particularly aggressive group of females clamoring for a deluxe Avengers memorabilia set.

Darcy stopped for a moment, pondering his question.

"Yes." she finally answered. "Besides, I like doing this."

"What for?" Loki sighed.

"You ended a sentence with a preposition!" a voice crowed behind Loki.

"Shut up, Barton." Loki growled. This was totally _not_ his day.

He turned around to face the archer. Clint waved cheekily.

"Someday, I am going to kill you, Barton." Loki warned.

"Meh." Clint waved the threat away. "You already tried that on me. And Coulson. And we're both still here."

"Hey Clint!" Darcy smiled. "Is Natasha here?"

"No. But I managed to drag all the guys out here! Including Fury." Clint announced proudly.

Loki looked behind Clint to see Tony kissing Pepper, Bruce studying a bookstore, Steve giving his autograph to some ogling fangirls, and Fury talking on his phone.

Three hours later, all the guys except Clint were ready to go. Unfortunately for them, the girls wanted to keep shopping.

Fury pretended to get a call from Coulson.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Oh, Agent Coulson."

Silence.

"Do you need me to come to the office right now?"

Silence.

"I'll be there in ten."

Fury hung up.

"I have to go now everyone, bye!" Fury all but ran out of the mall.

Just then, Loki spotted Agent Phil Coulson in the crowd. He grinned evilly.

"Hello everyone." Coulson panted. "Is Fury here?"

"He just left." Jane replied. "He said he got a call from you, telling him to meet you back at the office."

Phil scowled.

Loki snickered slightly. Suddenly, a wave of fangirls swept toward the Avengers.

"Run!" Clint screamed, trying to escape them.

Luckily for Loki, the fangirls only went after the actual Avengers, and not him. By the time the storm had settled, Coulson and Loki were the only men in the group.

"Well, this is certainly awkward." Loki stammered, trying to make conversation.

"Indeed." Coulson snapped.

Five hours later, Loki stumbled into Stark Tower carrying fifteen bags of clothes and gifts. Coulson arrived on his heels in the same manner.

Loki zombie-walked to his bedroom and flopped on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

"Argh!" Loki screamed, throwing a book at the alarm clock.

Someone snickered from the air vents.

"Barton!" Loki howled.


End file.
